What Story Are You Telling?
Confession time: My main motivation for dressing used to be getting as much praise and adoration as possible.
True story. I was more concerned about what others thought about the way that I dressed than whether I liked it or not.
I would put on a look and judge it from the lens of:
Will I receive compliments?
Will others be impressed by this?
Will I appear to others as thin, beautiful, trendy? (All the things that I thought I wanted to be at the time.)
I spent hours hunting down the ‘perfect’ pieces that would help me to finally be stylish, beautiful and cool. I thought clothes were the golden ticket to fitting in and if I could just crack the secret code, life would be easy.
Having that as the prime motivation for getting dressed creates an enormous amount of pressure. It could take hours for me to find the right look for an event. It meant I might try on 10 outfits before finally settling on one that felt good enough to leave the house in. It spurned negative self talk that quite often resulted in tears when I didn’t feel like my outfit was praise-worthy.
And this way of dressing led me to be very influenced by influencers, always chasing down the next big trend and constantly looking to others for what to wear and how to wear it.
Never even stopping to consider that those people aren’t me.
Sure, I was considered stylish.
Sure, I got a ton of compliments and praise.
So what exactly is the problem, you ask?
I wasn't getting compliments or praise on the REAL me.
And because I wasn't being praised and adored for who I really was, at the end of the day, it didn’t matter how many compliments I got. I never felt any better about myself or my style.
In fact, they actually made me feel worse.
Without realizing it, I was reinforcing the idea that in order to feel good and be liked, I had to NOT be myself.
If my favorite influencer wore it, surely I should too, right? She’s loved and adored by thousands of people so if I wear her outfit, I should be too, right?
I was missing out on the very important reason why those influencers are so influential - because they dress for who they are, not for who I am. They are dressing to express their own unique personalities and wear what makes them happy.
And because their personalities are just as unique as mine, their style didn’t work for me!
In fact, I actually felt uncomfortable in my clothing most days. Dressing to impress, yes - but certainly not impressing myself. I needed to dress to express my personality. Not someone else’s. And you do, too!
Can you relate? Surely you can’t wear that skirt with that top…what will everyone think? Wearing white after Labor Day? Heck no! (By the way…that’s the most ridiculous style “rule” ever. Wearing white after Labor Day is actually called wearing “winter white” and people look amazing in it!)
Dressing for what others liked was just taking me farther away from my true self and sub-consciously reaffirming the belief that I couldn't be myself if I wanted to belong.
What I didn’t realize is that wearing what makes you happy is actually what makes you belong, because it brings out and shows off your fabulous personality. When you’re happy, you have an inner glow, and people are drawn to that! It’s the law of attraction.
And that’s the power of our clothes.
What we wear tells a story. A story to others AND a story to ourselves.
And you can use the power of your clothes to rewrite your story. If you want to be bold and daring, then be bold and daring with your style! If you want to rock a sweatsuit on a Wednesday, that’s totally cool, too! It’s your story to write. Not anyone else’s.
Forget about others and tune into yourself for a moment, what story are you telling yourself through what you wear?
One thing I did to rewrite my story was to change my lens and start asking myself these questions instead:
How is this outfit making me feel?
Do I feel like the amazing creative goddess that I am?
Do I love what I'm wearing?
Does it feel true to who I am?
I encourage you to ask yourself the same questions. If you have a negative answer to any of them, then that is not the outfit for you!
After changing my motivation for dressing, I’m still considered stylish and I still get compliments and praise, but they feel ten times better because it’s based on my true style (and therefore the real me).
Ultimately, any praise and compliments are icing on the cake. The real treasure is taking a stand for yourself and supporting your true desires, allowing yourself to wear what you really love, despite what anyone else thinks.
It’s about not letting others’ expectations dictate how you dress and, instead, learning to stay true to yourself by loving what you wear. That’s the real goal.
Loving your clothes and how you feel in them is a pathway to loving who you are. Inside and out!
Think about what lights you up and start dressing to express that. What lights you up on the inside will shine through to the outside, and you’ll find that your personal style will be fun, unique, and absolutely fabulous!
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ABOUT:
I'm a Minneapolis personal stylist on a mission to eradicate outdated style 'rules' so women can unleash themselves in all their beautiful, authentic glory!
I offer personal styling services that empower women to wear what they love by helping them ditch any outdated style rules keeping them stuck, showing them how to dress in a way that embraces their beautiful body and, the key to it all, having fun! I believe in a liberated style approach so there are no style rules, body shapes, seasonal colors or dos and don’ts given out here. Rather, I help my clients tap into what lights them up and dress with the purpose of expressing their authentic selves rather than impressing others.
This is all done through a combination of styling services (including wardrobe edits, shopping trips and styling sessions) available in thoughtfully curated styling packages designed to help clients unleash their true self through the power of style.
When I'm not helping women take back their power style, you can find me reading (about a gazillion books at once), learning the art of pole dancing, making & decorating cakes, binging a random circa 2000's TV show with my hubby, Aaron, while playing with my adorable rescue pup or, of course, shopping! :-)