5 ways you can use clothes to love yourself more

Valentine's Day is the perfect time to turn up the TLC on the most important relationship you’ll ever have - the one with yourself!

And one of the surest ways to do this is through practicing self-care.

Take the chaos of the past few years and add on the recent awakening to the epidemic of burnout that we're facing as a culture, and it's for good reason that self-care has become such a buzz word lately and advice for practicing it can be found everywhere you look.

Yet, there's an incredibly beneficial practice that is often left out of the traditional advice that's rinsed and repeated in every article. I picture this way as an overlooked sidekick that's been hanging around, just waiting to be called forward so she can shine with superhero feats to save you.

No, I don't mean your imaginary friend from childhood - although having someone to talk to regardless of corporeal status is always a win!

I'm talking about your clothes!

What you wear is the most powerful tool you have for regularly practicing self-care and deepening your connection to yourself, which leads to loving yourself more.

It's this very tool that was a vital component to healing my relationship with myself and I've seen it do the same for dozens of my clients since.

I've struggled with body image issues from a young age. In adulthood, I've done years of therapy, read so many self-help books and listened to a gazillion podcasts on the quest to heal my relationship with my body and myself. Despite all of that, I remained stuck in a place of neutrality and couldn't get over the hump into accepting and the idea of actually embracing my body? That seemed even more far-fetched! I often thought - 'pssh, is that even possible? It seems like a unicorn pipe dream influencers use to gain followings.'

It wasn't until I started using clothes as the powerful tool of reconnection to body and self that they are meant to be, that I was able to get unstuck. I went from not thinking negatively about my body (though that's still a win!) to actually thinking nicely about my body. It was the tangible, physical act of dressing myself with love that 'tricked' my brain into seeing myself differently and thinking about myself differently.

If you live in a nudist colony, you can keep scrolling...

Okay now that it's only those of you left who wear clothes, allow me to be captain obvious for a moment and remind you that you. wear. clothes. Every. single. day.

Now think about how often you do other self-care practices. How often do you get a manicure? Or a massage? Or catch up with your girlfriends over happy hour? Or actually get yourself to sit down and meditate?

Don't get me wrong. These traditional self-care practices are great! Yet they can also be expensive, time-consuming and impractical to work into your routine as much as you need or want in order to see the benefit.

Putting on clothes is something you HAVE to do every single day.

You have no choice but to make time for it!

When used as a tool for self-care, it's guaranteed that you'll experience a daily dose of self-acceptance and self-love. Over the course of a year, that's 365 days (in a row!) that you'll have practiced self-care. How often can you say that about meditating?

Stepping back into the Captain Obvious role for a moment, you not only wear clothes every single day, you wear them all. day. long.

That manicure, massage, or happy hour lasts for an hour, maybe two if you're lucky. This act of self-care lasts for 12 hours minimum. That's some serious bang for your buck and way too good of an opportunity to pass by.

At this point, you might be thinking that all sounds nice but "getting dressed is kind of stressful right now and honestly sometimes I like myself less after putting on clothes! How can clothes possibly help me love my self more?!"

I hear you! And that's why I've compiled 5 ways that you can turn clothes into your own personal love letter to your beautiful self.

Try just one, try them all, or add one at a time until you do all of them. There is no right or wrong way, loving yourself is about honoring what will feels best for you!

Put on clothes that fit your beautiful body as it is right now.

When you wear something that's too tight because you refuse to believe you could have gone up a size, you're refusing to accept your body. Beyond that, you're actually telling your body that it's not okay for it to have changed, that it shouldn't have changed. Squeezing it into too tight clothes is not motivating yourself to lose weight, it's punishing yourself for being 'bad' 'lazy' 'sloppy', which is the opposite of loving yourself.

On the flip side, when you wear something that's too big, you're telling yourself the story that you have a body that you need to hide; that there are parts of your body that are shameful or wrong and best covered up so no one, especially you, has to be subjected to see it. Ouch!

By wearing clothes that fit your body in this moment, you're caring for it. You're making sure it's comfortable. You're saying, "I see all of you and I'm not ashamed of you."

You're accepting that you have a human body, which is designed to change and fluctuate because it a normal part of functioning - not a character flaw or failure.

Dressing yourself in clothes that fit is a big ol' beautiful love letter to your body and by extension yourself. One that gets written every morning and is read all day long. And when that's the case, it's pretty much impossible to not fall in love with yourself!

Try this:

Tailoring! Pick a piece that you love but never seems to fit quite right. Take it to a tailor to see if they can take it in or let it out. Clothes should change to fit you, not the other way around. Let yourself really experience what that means with a piece that's tailored to fit you perfectly.

Release any clothes that you don’t love and don’t wear

You've probably heard (quite possibly from me! 😆) that cleaning out your closet has huge benefits, including clearing space, making getting dressed easier and even letting go of emotional baggage. 

That's all true - and there's an even greater benefit then all of that, which rarely gets talked about.

By releasing these clothes, you’re also releasing the idea of how you should look and who you should be in favor of embracing who you are right now. And when you can let these idealized versions of yourself go and accept who you really are that's an enormous act of self-compassion that allows you to love yourself (the real you) even more.

This could look like accepting that you just don’t love floral and that doesn’t mean you’re not feminine. Or accepting that you feel your best in skinny jeans and trusting that you're still cool without following all the trends. 

Try this:

Go to your closet and release three pieces - one piece that you used to love and wear all the time but haven't worn in the past year (or more!); one piece that doesn't fit anymore; and one piece that every time you put it on, you take it right back off.

Wear pieces you love and that put a smile on your face

When you allow yourself to wear pieces you truly love (others' opinions be damned!), you are honoring yourself and your own desires over anyone else. In other words, you're putting yourself first - one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself and one of the greatest acts of self love. You're telling yourself what you want matters. That YOU matter.

Even if it's just with your clothes to start, you'd be surprised at how that radiates out to other parts of your life with benefits more far reaching than you could ever imagine.

Try this:

Pick one piece in your closet that makes you smile, that you're excited and happy to wear. Now go ahead and wear it, no matter what! :-)

Treat yourself to higher quality clothes

When you think about the fact that you wear your clothes every single day all day long, it's a great investment to buy clothes that are cut well (meaning they fit better) and feel better on the skin thanks to nicer fabrics, linings, and better stitch placement.

You deserve to roam this earth and move through out your daily life in good, high-quality clothes. I find this one to be especially difficult for moms, who have a hard time justifying spending money on themselves. Is this you? My question for you to consider is why you're willing to spend more money on your child's clothes, who will grow out of that shirt in 6 months anyway, than yourself who will wear it for years? It's okay to love yourself equally as fiercely as you love your children.

Try this:

Start with a piece you wear all the time, like your go-to jeans, and invest in a higher quality version. Wearing $20 jeans? Upgrade to $50 jeans. Wearing $80 jeans? Upgrade to $150 jeans. Even a few higher quality pieces are enough to show self-love.

This looks different for everyone. It could mean upgrading to designer or it could simply mean skipping Target and going to Macy's. Or even thrifting to get those nicer brands within your budget!

Dress to celebrate and highlight what you love

Your relationship with yourself will change when you're your own best friend. And what do besties do? They cheer each other on! When you're cheering yourself on? Now that's self love!

To cheer yourself on, switch from focusing on hiding what you don't like about your body to wearing pieces that draw attention to what you love. This brings the focus to all of the things you love about your body and all the reasons you have to celebrate it.

This shift in where you put your focus on your body, also helps shift your focus overall so that you start noticing the positive more. Not just about yourself but across all areas and situations.

Try this:

Pick one body part you love and dress in a piece that highlights it. Love your eyes? Wear earrings to draw attention to your face or put on a top in a color that makes them pop. Love your strong arms? Wear a halter to play up those muscles or a fitted long sleeve shirt to show off your buff biceps.

Your clothes can do more for you than meet others' expectations - and it's time you start demanding that they do! When you tap into this powerful tool that you use all day long, every single day of your life, you make greater strides toward self-love, self-compassion and self-acceptance than you ever dreamed was possible.

Let your clothes help you on the journey of accepting and loving yourself. Your clothes are ready and waiting to give you the TLC, self-care and love that you desire.

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ABOUT:

I'm a Minneapolis personal stylist on a mission to eradicate outdated style 'rules' so women can unleash themselves in all their beautiful, authentic glory!

I offer personal styling services that empower women to wear what they love by helping them ditch any outdated style rules keeping them stuck, showing them how to dress in a way that embraces their beautiful body and, the key to it all, having fun! I believe in a liberated style approach so there are no style rules, body shapes, seasonal colors or dos and don’ts given out here. Rather, I help my clients tap into what lights them up and dress with the purpose of expressing their authentic selves rather than impressing others.

This is all done through a combination of styling services (including wardrobe edits, shopping trips and styling sessions) available in thoughtfully curated styling packages designed to help clients unleash their true self through the power of style.

When I'm not helping women take back their power style, you can find me reading (about a gazillion books at once), traveling to new and old favorite destinations, binging a random circa 2000's TV show with my hubby, Aaron, playing with my adorable rescue pup or, of course, shopping! :-)